Barriers Broken & Fairy Tale Beginnings

As a little girl, we are hand fed every Disney Fairy Tale Princess movie ever made. We start to believe that one day we will met our Prince Charming on a white horse, ready to save us from our Evil Step Mothers (or in my case my very strict Uncles, whom I love very very much). But now we grow up with this impossible standard. For most this is a sad day when you realize you have to lower your standards for today's "Gentleman", as for me I got lucky. I found a real life Prince Charming.  My Michael is perfect. He is nothing but sweet, kind, funny and caring. This makes sense, he is from the south. Southern Gentleman. His one flaw, he lost his accent when he went to serve a Mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. *I will let the non existent accent slide. 

So now I have my Prince Charming & my fairy tale beginning. But where are the movies that show you what happens after you get married? I know their are sequels but those always ruin the original. So let me tell you what really happens......NO BOUNDARIES, NO BARRIERS. It sounds super attractive huh? Please note that I love my husband, and I love being married. I highly recommend doing it :)

Anyways, I am very shy with bathroom things, I think bodily functions are gross, and I am the embarrassing person who prefers to turn on the sink when I use the restroom. I have even found counting helps me at times. Now, my husband thinks this is hilarious. So much so that he just opens the bathroom door while its occupied. THIS KILLS ME. I have begun locking the door but all that does is helps influence my toddler husband to standing outside the door talking to me. I love him too much to kill him. I think I will miss him.

Some think this is so funny or are amused by his immature ways. Hopefully he was put in his place a few nights ago....(Due to my embarrassment and loathing bathroom things, it is so shocking how funny I think this story is).... I am 24 years old and I wet my bed with my husband right next to me. It was a cold night and I woke up having to use the bathroom. I hate more then anything to get up from a cozy sleep to use the bathroom. So I decided to just stay in bed. I had to wake up in a few hours any ways. Well I fell back to my perfect slumber and cozied up next to my Husband. Not too long after, I woke up peeing my pants. I tried to stay very quiet not to wake Michael up. I cleaned up and went back to bed. Not telling him what happened until the next morning.

Such a learning curve to this thing called marriage. A few months ago I would have died of embarrassment knowing this would happen to me. Now I think its a bonding experience. 

Married Life: Two months down and Eternity to go

As I sit here writing, it is so hard to believe that I have been married for almost two months. Sometimes being at home cooking dinner for my Hubby, I have a hard time grasping that I am married. Life is hitting the gas pedal and I am just enjoying the ride.

You always hear to enjoy dating because once you get married, it is so different and times can be hard. I would be lying if I were to say its been nothing but a perfect fairytale. But I am happy to say, I am happy. I love my husband more and more each day. But adjusting from being a single independent stubborn woman in her early 20s, is just as hard as teaching an old dog new tricks. This is not my first rodeo. I have survived living on my own since I was 18 years old. So adjusting to sharing money and agreeing when to spend it and how, has been a trial. But...I am learning and trying. Thank goodness I have such a patient Husband.

Needless to say, it has also been so much fun. Cheap dates nights, cuddling and watching movies, making desserts we both love, and always having someone to go to bed with. The married life is good.

With getting married and starting a new chapter, you would think I would want to sit back and enjoy the next couple years with just my Husband. You are wrong, I am ready to start a family. I am so baby hungry. All I talk about and think about is babies. So I am hoping by writing about my obsession, I can stop bugging/annoying Michael. I can't help it though. I honestly feel like I have known and been with Michael my entire life, so naturally I am ready for the next chapter. BABIES!

How could I not want to have a baby with him, Michael is so handsome. I want several little identical Michaels running around our house. Truth be told, I know that with Michael I would be able to raise our children the right way and in the Gospel. I would be able to give them the loving parents that I always dreamed about. ( I had a wonderful Grandma who raised me with all the love in the world & two parents who always loved me very much. So I knew I was loved). I just cant wait to give my future children all the love in the world, and clothes.

Due to my insanity, I think/am hopeful every time I feel sick I am pregnant. But I just patiently wait for my Special time of the month. Last month, I can honestly say I was a bit heart broken. Even when I try to reason with logic, "I have only been married two months" or "We cant afford a kid" I still can't help but want a baby. Nothing seems to help. I guess you just can't help the way you feel. It is what it is.



 

10 days.

They say time flies when you are having fun & boy am I having fun. In 10 short very blissfully stressed days I will be marrying the love of my life. Yes I am getting MARRIED.

November 30th 2013 I will be sealed to the Man of my Dreams for all Time and Eternity.

 

This is one of those times in your life that you always dreamed about. From a little girl picking out the pooffiest princess dress, the biggest ring, and the most handsome husband. I got lucky and scored 2 out of 3 of those things. I decided a poofy dress was just not for me.

I am so blessed to have the most wonderful mother who has made my wedding her new baby. She eats sleeps dreams my wedding. Making it the best day of my life. How grateful I am to such a selfless caring woman. She has the same heart as my Grandma.

 

This will  be a day I will never forget.

<3

 

" Grow old along with me, The best is yet to be"

-Robert Browning

365 days without you

53 weeks. 525,948 minutes. 31,556,926 seconds.

This is the amount of time I have spent learning to live without you.

I will never get over your loss.

I will always have a hole in my heart.

You were my best friend

My Mom

My Grandma

My Best Friend

This year has been the worst year of my entire life.

But

It also has been the best year of my life.

Moments I wish I could share with you.

I wont stop missing you.

I pray for you and Alex each and every night.

I hope you are with him and you guys are watching over us.

I am one year closer to being back with you.

I love you Grandma.

They always say the first step is admitting.

I have a huge confession to make...I am addicted to Diet Coke. BUT starting today I am done. I do not want cancer. I do not want diabetes. I do NOT WANT my glow from my skin to go away. I do not want my kidneys to not work. These are all things Diet Coke causes. I have been drinking a glass of cancer almost everyday. I am too embarrassed and ashamed to admit how much Diet Coke I drink a  day so I will keep that a secret. Some days I don't drink any. I use to think I was okay because I also drink almost 80 ounces of water a day. False. I am digging my own grave at 23.

To help jump start my Diet Coke free life, I googled it. I do not recommend doing this will all things. It can be scary, and may cause you to never eat certain foods again (for me I looked up hot dogs once. Bad idea).  This was the first website I found from Well and Good NYC. Now that I know some facts about it I can quit. I am not just quitting Diet Coke, but all sodas in general. Wish me luck. And pray for the headaches to go away ASAP.

 

 

10 days of pure Bliss

Birthdays.Forts.Playing House.Movies.Walks.Shopping.

[CAUTION: This is extremely mushy and gross]

 

The past 10 days have been amazing. I was fortunate enough to spend everyday with my babe. Those of you know that we are currently long distance. So anytime I get to spend with him, I like to give him my undivided attention and make each moment last. I always say when we are together, we are like a "real couple". He does not like this. I think its funny, probably more so because it annoys him.

 

We were able to start out our 10 days by celebrating Michael's 22nd birthday. I could not wait. I started buying him gifts well over a month ago. I loved spoiling him. He deserves every bit of it. The night started off by me showing up in Rexburg. I would not tell him what time I was arriving. I kept teasing him by telling him I was still in Provo, or maybe I was already in Rexburg. Then with the help of his sister Brooke and a few friends, we took him to Texas Roadhouse for dinner. Just to be more fun we put a bandanna on him. No special reason or surprise, just because we could.

 

 

 

Next.

 

After spending the weekend in Rexburg, I returned back home. Michael followed behind me the next day. We were so lucky to spend the next week together. We can honestly say we had way too much time on our hands. Watched almost a full season of The Office, 1,234,242 movies, went out to eat a lot, shopped, and played(abused me), date nights, made brownies, and built forts.

 

 

I had a real taste of what being married feels like. We would make breakfast, lunch and dinner. If I worked he would come and take me out for my break. I was so lucky to come home to him at the end of my day. We would make dinner together (mostly me ha ha), he would help with cleaning up. It was pure bliss. I loved starting my day to him, and ending my night with him.

 

 

 

 

 M is for Miller. Which is my last name, but today its for Missing Michael. Since he left me to go home to Texas for the rest of summer. Lucky for me I fly out to see him in 24 days. Please oh please go by fast.

 

Last but not least, I am so grateful for our date nights to the Temple. It is one of our favorite things to do. Since our first date and every time we are together, we go to the Temple and walk around. This is one of those special things that bonds us closer. Its not physical, its not emotional, its spiritual. It is something we both believe in. I am so grateful for this wonderful man in my life, who I love so dearly.

On our way to the Draper Temple

"...but I found him whom my soul loveth:.." Song of Solomon 3:4

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Todays post is going to be a bit harder to write...I think this is due to timing. Next week will be one year ago that my wonderful Grandma passed away, and a birthday for a dear friend. Something I am learning is that as you get older, you are forced to take a look at your friends and relationships. You need to keep those around who support you and help lift you up.

 

Those who help you be the best that you can be.

Those who you can count on no matter what. Those who are the happiest for you, at the happiest moments in your life. Those you can see in 15 years still being a major part of your life. Those who support you

 

....I never wanted to be one of those girls who once she was in a relationship she lost herself. Lost her friends. I try very hard to still be the best friend I can be and make those friendships of mine a priority. But as you get older its harder. I find that sometimes I don't have enough time that week or weeks for my friends. I work two jobs, have a long distance boyfriend, and have countless things to do each day. There is just not enough time in the day. It is even harder when friendships are out of state. You can go weeks without talking or seeing one another, but the best part of friendships like that is that they pick up right where you left off.

We are growing up, starting our own lives. Creating those lives. How is that so hard to understand? But now taking a step back and taking a clear look at my relationships, I find that I have an even greater appreciation for those in my life now. How grateful I am for their patience and understanding. How grateful I am for the fact that they stick around. How grateful I am that they know that I am in the stage in my life, where my next chapter is getting married to the man I love. How grateful I am that they don't make me pick sides. How grateful I am that they love me enough to just let me be.

I just want to yell at you, and scream at you for being so selfish. I just want you to see what you said to me. You literally told me to pick another date for my wedding [ which there is NO DATE SET] or a [Proposal]. That's not a healthy friendship. Its a toxic one. But no matter how mad I am, I will always be grateful for the years we had, for all the times you were there for me. For all the times you had my back. For all of our funny memories. For all those all-nighters we pulled in college. I meant what I said when I wish you the best. We are just starting new chapters in our lives. This is apart of growing up.